Wake up with the Celtics  and your daily dose of Irish Coffee ‘¦
Celtics center Kendrick Perkins  may be out for the first few months because of his ACL injury, but that doesn’t mean he can’t offer advice on how to guard the NBA‘s elite post players, like the Miami Heat’s Chris Bosh.
In a recent Dime Magazine article, Perkins discussed  his strategy …
“Very skilled face-up guy, but he’s not a physical player. I try to push him off the block and play him physical. He’s gonna score a few, but you can’t get frustrated by that. Just stay focused. You’d rather him hit you for 18 points than for 40 points.”
Given the physical play of Kevin Garnett , perhaps that’s why he was able to hold Bosh to eight points on 3-of-11 shooting in their first meeting this season. Yet another matchup to watch tonight (we covered Rondo vs. Arroyo  on Tuesday).
“I’ve been playing against Old Shaq, so I don’t know what it was like when he was younger. He’s kinda like Dwight [Howard], but not as athletic. He can’t really finish over the top no more, so you just keep a body between him and the rim.”
Throughout the discussion, Perkins is brutally honest, saying of Jefferson, “I don’t think he’s a great passer.” Great, great stuff.
The same author is also responsible for the magazine’s power rankings . Somehow, the Heat (No. 3) are ranked three slots higher than the Celtics (No. 6), despite the C’s better record and head-to-head victory. Hmmm …
The never-ending stream of entertainment that comes from having Shaquille O’Neal in town just keeps flowing.
Shaq and Sports Illustrated’s Jimmy Traina sat down  for a Q&A to discuss comedy. Here are a few things we learned …
- Garnett is the funniest player in the NBA.
- “Best prank I pulled was on Lou Amundson in Phoenix. I took a Snickers bar, put it in some water to get it real brown and wet and put it in my hand. [When he] came off the bench to go in the game, he had on white shorts, I rubbed it all over his shorts and said ‘good game, bro,’ so when he was running on the court he thought he s#@! himself.”
- Shaqeeta  is done.
- He wants to become the next “The Rock ” in the movie business and star alongside Denzel Washington, Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt.
- His favorite “Yo Mamma” joke: “Yo Mamma is so nasty her crabs have crabs.”
- The Big Aristotle is the best name he’s given himself.
- His top five comedy movies of all-time: “Don’t Be a Menace To South Central While Drinking Juice in the Hood”, “Harlem Nights”, “Life”, “Me, Myself and Irene” and “Step Brothers”.
Shaq did the SI Q&A to promote an online video series  for Power Balance where he interviews himself. It’s the funniest thing he’s ever done. Here’s a great exchange …
Shaq1: “So, you and Kobe [Bryant ] finally made nice?”
Shaq1: “Did he get you a diamond ring?”
Shaq2: “I don’t accept diamond rings from guys.”
Shaq1: “Well, you should, because then you would have five rings, too, stupid.”
I also enjoyed Shaq asking himself, “What page were you on of the ‘Kazaam’ script when you called your agent and said, ‘I’m in’?” Hilarious.
O’Neal is also promoting his second annual “Join Shaq, Give Back” holiday campaign. As Shaq-a-Claus, he is encouraging  “shoppers to donate new, unwrapped toys and cash in Toys-R-Us and Babies-R-Us stores nationwide and online at ToysRUs.com/ToysforTots .”
“My parents always encouraged me to give back to those less fortunate, and ever since I made it to the NBA, I’ve been visiting Toys-R-Us stores during the holiday season to buy gifts for kids in need,” O’Neal said. “As a father myself, I know firsthand how magical it is for a child to open a gift on Christmas morning.’
Since Oct. 31, the program has raised $366,139. Great stuff all-around off the court. Now, if only he could get back on the court.
Business Insider published an article about ticket availability across the NBA for sites like StubHub, eBay, Ace Tickets, etc. According to the article , the Celtics rank in the top five for “available tickets per game.”
In fact, an average of 3,802 tickets (20 percent of the 18,624 capacity) are “available” on these ticket websites per game …
“Over the 10 years, fans have been the beneficiaries of the dynamically priced secondary ticket market, pocketing billions in profits for games where demand outstripped supply. This has largely been at the expense of teams, who have not captured as much of that market-based upside as they would like.”
Over the last 10 years, I would not say “fans have been the beneficiary of the dynamically priced secondary ticket.” The legalized ticket scalpers have been the ones pocketing billions, overcharging the real fans for Celtics tickets.
This year, however, it’s a different story. Take next Wednesday’s game against the Washington Wizards , for example. Stub Hub currently has TD Garden tickets for as low as $21, while the cheapest tickets available in the same sections on the C’s website are going for $51.75 and up.
If you ask me, it’s about time these companies took a hit, because they’ve been legally scamming fans ever since Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen  arrived.
JOAKIM NOAH  VS. KEVIN GARNETT
After the Chicago Bulls ‘ overtime loss to the Celtics, Joakim Noah told reporters, “It’s going to get real ugly for everybody who’s talking real crazy. All the trash that people are talking right now is going to come back and haunt them, because when it counts, we’ll be ready.”
Unfortunately, the only one talking is Joakim Noah. In an interview  Wednesday on ESPN Radio’s “The Waddle & Silvy Show,” Noah had this to say about Garnett:
“Kevin Garnett will not — will not — get a Christmas gift from me. I don’t like him. …
“He’s a very mean guyWhere’s the love? None at all. Ugly, too. …
“I had his poster in my room. I used to wear his jersey. And the truth is my rookie year, I was in admiration of this guy, and he kind of shut me down. …
“He was very mean to me my rookie year. And he’s only mean to the young guys and the [European players], for some reason. I don’t know why, but that’s who he doesn’t like. He’s not nice. I talk a lot of trash out there, but c’mon, be a little sensitive. Be sweet.”
As if he hadn’t already — considering Noah called him “a dirty player” last April — KG probably has the next Bulls rematch Dec. 3 circled on his calendar.
The Inside Track gals caught up with  “Dancing with the Stars” contestant Rick Fox (hey, didn’t he play basketball?), who had this to say of the Celtics: “They are the cream of the Eastern Conference.” Um, is that a good thing? …
“These fines are commonly assessed on professional athletes and are work related,” Odom wrote in a plea. “Therefore the fines incurred are ordinary and necessary employee business expense.”
I’ve gotta say, I side with Odom on this one. Technically, those are business expenses, right? So maybe I can write off my irish coffee each morning. …
Finally, a Lakers fan at the Bleacher Report claimed  that if he were selecting NBA players for a pickup game, he’d pick Rajon Rondo  first. His reasoning? Because Rondo will set him up for more shots. And then he goes on to tell everybody why Rondo’s shooting (from the field and the line) is his “fatal flaw.”
Anyhow, which NBA player would you take first in a pickup game?
Personally, I think I’d take Dwight Howard. That dude would destroy people on the playground. First of all, he’d dunk every one of my missed shots. Most importantly, though, if there’s ever an argument, who’s going to mess with him?
(Have a question, concern or conception for tomorrow’s Irish Coffee? Send a message to @brohrbach  on Twitter.)