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Irish Coffee: 10 things I Heard About Celtics

If watching Celtics [1] strength and conditioning coach Bryan Doo attempt to defend three-time NBA All-Star Rajon Rondo [2] (see video above, h/t ballislife.com [3]) isn’t enough enjoyment for one Friday afternoon in the NBA’s dog days of August, here is the latest edition of 10 Things I Heard About Celtics, where despite another slow news day we gather all the information we can about Boston’s green men.

10. Green peace: Well, I guess this one falls more under “things I haven’t heard about Celtics,” since inquiries about Green to the team and his agent David Falk have so far gone unanswered, so in all likelihood his reported four-year, $36 million deal remains unsigned.

Obviously, since he cannot be signed-and-traded as a result of the new collective bargaining agreement, the first reason that comes to mind for such a delay is Green’s health following heart surgery this past winter, but I can think of two other possibilities: 1) The two sides are ironing out clauses that would protect the team against the possibility of a recurring heart ailment, and/or 2) The CBA is so complicated, and the Celtics are so close to the salary cap, Danny Ainge & Co. are waiting to see if they’ll use the bi-annual exception.

If the Celtics begin the season with a minimum salary player rather than using their exception this season, they can frontload Green’s deal for an extra million dollars, so they could potentially free up some cap space — however small it may be — in Year 2, 3 or 4 of the deal. Then again, the delay might involve an entirely different scenario altogether. With both sides remaining mum on the issue, it’s all speculation at this point.

9. Doc’s orders: Celtics coach Doc Rivers [4] recently told GolfChannel.com [5] after his appearance on Morning Drive, ‘€œI encourage my players, if we’€™re on the road and we have a day off, to go play. Golf is a great break from the noise and the madness of the NBA. I think the serenity of golf, even though you can come back stressed out about your round, the mental break it provides from basketball is important.”

We know Rivers takes his own advice, since after his broadcasting responsibility at the Olympics is done, he’ll be participating in the Jeffrey Osborne Celebrity Classic [6] on Aug. 13-14 in Portsmouth, R.I. We can only pray that he ends up in a foursome with Cheech Marin, who is among the list of celebrities participating.

Chris Wilcox [7] also heeds Doc’s directive. He’s hosting the fourth annual Chris Wilcox Charity Golf Outing [8] on Friday. The celebrity attendees aren’t as impressive, unless Wilcox convinces celebrity attendee and illusionist Carl Michael [9] to make Tommy Chong appear out of thin air (or heavy smoke).

8. Mondo Rondo: NBA free agent Baron Davis [10] launched a video game company [11], since athletes and gaming ventures have proven a perfect match (cough … Curt Schilling [12] … cough … 38 Studios), and the first game is titled “Getting Buckets,” featuring Davis, Steve Nash [13], Brandon Jennings [14], Candace Parker and Rajon Rondo.

If video games aren’t your thing, check out this list of 20 Rajon Rondo References in Rap Lyrics [15], created after J. Cole made this reference to Rondo in his single “The Cure”: “After a few drinks come our realest convos / My handle on my thoughts used to be as ill as Rondo’s.’€ Can’t decide whether my favorite line comes from Tyga (“Get it in the morning like Alonzo / Rondo, green got cheese like a nacho / If you don’€™t got no @ss, b!tch, wear a poncho.’€) or Ludacris (‘€œLone ranger, no Tonto / So my nine got my back like Rajon Rondo”).

7. Christmas cheer: Newest Celtics signee Dionte Christmas, who earned himself an invite to training camp on a partially guaranteed contract, participated in the Delco Pro-Am [16] in Haverford, Pa. He led his team to the title over 23 other squads, scoring 15 points in the championship game. Teammates Mardy Collins and tourney MVP Mark Tyndale scored 22 and 21 points, respectively. I’m not sure what he’s more excited about: his Celtics contract, the Delco Pro-Am title or the merciful end to countless “Christmas in July” headlines over the past couple weeks.

6. Truth matters: I really enjoyed this “I am Paul Pierce [17]” video reminiscent of Nike’s “I am Tiger Woods [18]” commercial. After which I thought, “There must be a parody of that ad campaign.” Then discovered there most certainly is, and it’s definitely NSFW [19]. Anyhow, let’s hope a similar Pierce parody doesn’t become necessary.

Also, don’t miss this exclusive Pierce interview [20] on Celtics.com. Here are some highlights.

5. Bold shoulder: We learned three things from this sighting [26] of Avery Bradley [27] at The Tannery in Boston: 1) He might be the only NBA player not named Matt Bonner who likes New Balance, if only because they stopped sponsoring ballers [28] a couple years ago, 2) Bradley knows how to tie his shoes, and 3) he can at least tie his shoes after double shoulder surgery, so he’s got that going for him. All I can say is, as a longtime Bonner-like donner of New Balance, can they just get Bradley on the payroll to finally make me look respectable on the blacktop?

4. Camp I-Don’t-Wanna: So, apparently Allen is holding his annual basketball camp [29] in Storrs, Conn., a week from Saturday. A show of hands for how many people sign up this year? (Insert cricket noises here.) Here’s what you get for your $150:

3. Big Foot: It’s not often we get a Garnett sighting. Less often that he’s seen in Willmar, Minn. [32] (h/t Red’s Army [33]). But how often do we get a glimpse of him in a store that specializes in security merchandise, surrounded by guns and ammo? Of course, you’ll remember Garnett’s infamous 2004 quote [34]:

“It’s Game 7, man. That’s it. It’s for all the marbles. Sitting in the house, I’m loadin’ up the pump. I’m loadin’ up the Uzi. I got a couple M-16s, a couple 9s. I got a couple joints with some silencers on them. I’m just loading clips, a couple grenades. I got a missile launcher with a couple of missiles. I’m ready for war.”

According to The Inside Scoop, Garnett was there for training. What exactly he was training for is unclear: This upcoming NBA season, the remake of Red Dawn or any number of amazing alternatives. The only thing we do know is that he still likes ‘Sota, even if he has “nothing positive to say [35]” about the Timberwolves [36].

2. Stiemer Fever: Who knows? Maybe Garnett missed Greg Stiemsma [37] so much, he traveled to Minnesota for Stiemboat’s official signing with the T-Wolves [38]. Here’s to hoping KG shed a tear and mouthed a steamboat whistle when Stiemsma said, “It was a little bit hard to leave the Celtics. I was grateful for their organization, to the coaching staff, a lot of those players, to give me that opportunity last year. It feels good to be wanted.”

1. Q6 Mixtape: Maybe he’s enjoying the release of DJ Goonie Goon‘s album “Stash House Muzik Vol. 4: NBA Edition [39]” with his image on the cover. Maybe the unfounded internet rumor [40] of the Lakers’ interest in his him turns out to be true. Whatever the case, there’s been no link between the Celtics and Marquis Daniels [41] for the first time in four summers, but if anyone can convince an NBA GM to sign the 31-year-old swingman, it’s Suge Knight. Please let this photo of Daniels and Knight be an indication of the pair teaming up for something, anything.

(Have a question, concern or conception for the next Irish Coffee? Send a message to @brohrbach [42] on Twitter.)