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Kelly Olynyk doesn’t have a fork, shower curtain

10.04.13 at 3:35 pm ET
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Celtics rookie Kelly Olynyk is keeping a diary for Comcast (h/t Celtics Life). In his first entry, we learn the young Canadian who Danny Ainge once called “a 7-foot hippy quarterback” doesn’t have a fork or a shower curtain.

“I’m basically starting from scratch out here. I don’t really know anyone, don’t have anything to my name out here, don’t even have a fork!

“I had to go and get everything, and I still need more. Sometimes I’ll be in my apartment and go to do something, and I’ll be like, ‘I don’t have a shower curtain! I have to take a bath?’ So I get in my car and drive to the practice facility and take a shower.”

Considering he’s been in the Boston area for much of the summer — conducting a Green Line train, riding Canobie Lake Park water slides and doing pretty much anything the Celtics ask of him — there are only a few conclusions we can possibly draw from this revelation: a) the cost of living in Waltham is way too steep if a guy making $2.0 million can’t afford a fork and a shower curtain; b) he has an irrational fear of vinyl and cutlery ever since that time he watched Psycho; or c) his love of the game rivals Homeland character Peter Quinn’s love of killing terrorists, and his apartment features only a book and a basketball. My money’s on the final option.

In related news, Jared Sullinger thinks Olynyk looks like somebody from Lord of the Rings, most likely Legolas Greenleaf. And everyone on the Celtics calls him Sunshine as an ode to Remember the Titans.

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