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The complicated Gerald Wallace-Tom Brady-David Ortiz man love triangle

10.14.13 at 1:01 pm ET
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New Celtics forward Gerald Wallace‘s introduction to the Boston media last month came complete with an awkward explanation of his man crushes on Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and Red Sox slugger David Ortiz.

“I’m actually happy to be here in Boston. I’ve always loved the city of Boston when I came. And, besides, I’m a Red Sox and Patriots fan, so I’m closer to my teams. … I’m from Alabama. We don’t have a professional team there. I like Big Papi. I’ve always followed Big Papi. I enjoyed watching him in those days. That’s how I became a Red Sox fan. And I’m just fascinated with Brady. I like watching Brady play. I’m a big, big Brady fan since he got started in the league. I’ve been following him since Day 1. Him and Coach Belichick. Those are my favorite teams. Actually, at my house I have a split Patriots and Red Sox room. Basically shoes, material things. I have a couple Brady jerseys, a couple pictures of Brady, Belichick, the championship teams, a couple of the Super Bowl pictures, a lot of the Red Sox World Series things, I have an autographed bat from Ortiz, just some memorabilia.”

OK, then. That went from, “Oh, he’s just saying that to endear himself to Boston sports fans,” to, “Holy crap, this guy has a room dedicated to Tom Brady and David Ortiz in his house,” real fast. For those of you wondering at home, Wallace is 31 years old. And a professional basketball player. I don’t want to say Sunday should have been the best day of Gerald’s life, but Sunday should have definitely been the best day of Gerald’s life.

Especially considering Wallace attended the Patriots-Saints game and met Brady before his man crush completed one of his most improbable comebacks in a career filled with improbable comebacks. Here’s picture proof.

And here’s where things go horribly wrong for Wallace. He inexplicably left Gillette Stadium early.

First rule of any self-respecting Boston sports fan is never leaving a game early, especially one involving Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr. Next thing you’re gonna tell me is he turned the Red Sox game off in the seventh inning.

Oh dear God. To recap: 1) Gerald Wallace has a room in his house dedicated to Tom Brady and David Ortiz; 2) Tom Brady and David Ortiz manufactured two of the greatest moments in their illustrious careers within a few hours of each other on Sunday; 3) Wallace missed both of them; and 4) Sunday was the worst day of Gerald’s life.

P.S. Wallace didn’t exactly cover himself in Boston sports fan glory during his introduction to Fenway Park last week. The following exchange between he and an apparent Red Sox employee actually happened.

  • Red Sox employee: “Did you ever see this, when Carlton Fisk waved it fair?”
  • Wallace: “Ahh, yeah?”
  • Red Sox employee: “It’s a famous clip from the 1967 World Series.”
  • Wallace: “Yeah.”

Pretty sure it was 1975, guys. Just ask Robin Williams, because he went to go see about a girl that night. Either Gerald Wallace has a similar excuse for Sunday or he should start seriously rethinking his man crushes.

Read More: Boston Celtics, David Ortiz, gerald wallace, NBA
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