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Fab Melo: Celtics ‘didn’t give me a chance’ 10.07.13 at 3:23 pm ET
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Fab Melo is actually talking about practice. The Celtics didn’t give him a chance in practice, huh? Um, it’s practice Fabricio. Isn’t practice, by nature, a series of chances? And the Celtics gave Melo too many of them. In fact, I’m pretty sure I saw Bryan Doo shut down Melo on the block at the end of practice once.

The C’s spent a first-round pick on Melo and paid him $1.25 million for three rebounds. Or $418,240 per rebound. He’s 7 feet, and the Celtics needed big men last year like Tom Brady needs wide receivers. Desperately.

I suppose the Grizzlies didn’t give him a chance, either, since they waived him three weeks into his Memphis career. And once Melo cleared waivers, every other team joined that list of nonbelievers, too, except perhaps the Mavericks, who invited Melo to camp. See. Everybody gives 7-footers a chance. Just ask Eddy Curry.

At least Fab Melo has a long career ahead of him as the Leonard Maltin of Twitter:

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Kelly Olynyk doesn’t have a fork, shower curtain 10.04.13 at 3:35 pm ET
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Pitchfork

Celtics rookie Kelly Olynyk is keeping a diary for Comcast (h/t Celtics Life). In his first entry, we learn the young Canadian who Danny Ainge once called “a 7-foot hippy quarterback” doesn’t have a fork or a shower curtain.

“I’m basically starting from scratch out here. I don’t really know anyone, don’t have anything to my name out here, don’t even have a fork!

“I had to go and get everything, and I still need more. Sometimes I’ll be in my apartment and go to do something, and I’ll be like, ‘I don’t have a shower curtain! I have to take a bath?’ So I get in my car and drive to the practice facility and take a shower.”

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Doc Rivers: Clippers ‘should be better than’ ’08 Celtics 10.03.13 at 4:41 pm ET
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Clippers

Here we go again. Former Celtics coach Doc Rivers thinks his Clippers are better than any team he’s coached. Here’s what he told ESPN LA (h/t Ball Don’t Lie) about Chris Paul, Blake Griffin, DeAndre Jordan & Co.

“They should be better than any team I’ve ever coached, I really believe that. They’re more athletic. They don’t have the veteran IQ but they should be in that area. We have a couple individual defenders that can be dominating on defense. We have great speed but we don’t have the size in some ways as some of the teams I’ve coached.”

Hmm. I’m sure the Clippers will join the 2008 Celtics and Michael Jordan‘s 1990s Bulls as the only teams in NBA history to own an efficiency differential greater than 11 (outscoring opponents by 11 points per 100 possessions); they’ll start better than 8-0, take at least a 23-2 record into Christmas and finish better than 66-16; and they’ll go better than 13-1 at home in the playoffs and beat the Heat by 40 in Game 6 of the NBA Finals, eclipsing the largest margin of victory in a title-clinching game — set, of course, by those pesky ’08 Celtics. No biggie.

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Irish Coffee: Danny Ainge’s tankless Celtics job 10.03.13 at 2:44 pm ET
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Tank

The great Ian Thomsen elicited not one, but two of the best quotes on the tanking issue facing the Celtics this season in his latest for Sports Illustrated — both from C’s president of basketball operations Danny Ainge.

Here’s the first important phrase from Ainge, addressing what many believe is the strongest NBA draft class since the 2003 edition that produced eight All-Stars (including a guy by the name of LeBron James) — headed by potential franchise players Andrew Wiggins, Jabari Parker, Marcus Smart and Julius Randle.

“If Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was out there to change your franchise forever, or Tim Duncan was going to change your franchise for 15 years? That might be a different story. I don’t see that player out there.”

Interesting. If this isn’t some strange attempt at a Red Auerbach-esque bluff, then tanking doesn’t concern these C’s — not only because of the historically poor Ping Pong luck of the Irish, but because Wiggins isn’t LeBron.

Besides, even if Ainge wanted to tank, it’s not like he’s gathering his coach and players around the locker room and delivering an anti-motivational speech. (Which, by the way, would be great: “Great draft picks are born from great opportunity, and that’s what you have here tonight, boys. That’s what you’ve earned here tonight. One season. If we played 82 games, they might win 41. But not this season. Not this year. This year, we tank them. This year, we lose all of them. And we shut it down because we can! This year, WE are the worst basketball team in the world.” And a slow clap, of course.) Anyhow, as for real Ainge quotes, here’s that second important one.

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Better Media Day Photo? Scal vs. Sheed 10.03.13 at 11:55 am ET
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Scal vs. Sheed

Which former Celtics player and current NBA assistant coach struck the better pose?

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(h/t SB Nation & Ball Don’t Lie)

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VIDEO: Top 10 2013-14 Boston Celtics Media Day moments 10.01.13 at 10:40 pm ET
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Irish Coffee’s annual Top 10 Celtics Media Day moments. A comprehensive look at the day’s events, including interviews with Danny Ainge, Brad Stevens, Rajon Rondo, Jeff Green, Jared Sullinger, Kelly Olynyk, Brandon Bass, Kris Humphries, Gerald Wallace, Keith Bogans, Vitor Faverani, Avery Bradley, Jordan Crawford and Courtney Lee. Just about everyone, except MarShon Brooks, who flew under the radar. Along with his afro.

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Vitor Faverani is the best 09.30.13 at 10:50 pm ET
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Vitor Faverani has a mohawk, and he is the best.

With five simple words, the bewildering Brazilian puts Boston on notice: “Not too much questions please.” Not only does Faverani understand English, he gets this Celtics media contingent. Not too much questions please, indeed.

Then, responding to a question about why he joined the Celtics, Faverani confounds everybody once again. “We go to the Cuban restaurant, so it’s easy,” he says. “When I taste the food there, I say, ‘I want to stay in Boston.’”

Reporters wonder, “Did he understand the question?” Don’t worry. He did. “No,” Faverani says, “that’s joke.”

Celtics director of player personnel Austin Ainge tries to explain.

“Vitor has been playing professionally in Spain for a number of years,” says the son of Celtics president of basketball operations Danny Ainge. “He was a draft prospect when he was at the age of the draft, and he’s just kind of over the last few years really worked hard and got himself in shape and played better. …

“He did a couple workouts around the draft time in the U.S., and he came here, and we were pretty high on him, and he had his agent here, they were both here, and we said, ‘All right, what does it take to get it done? Let’s get this done right now.’ And we kind of hashed it out real fast before he could get in a bidding war.”

But Faverani tells a much better tale, because he is the best.

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